Worthy of my heart
by Acalanthis
Summary: A companion piece to 'If those hands had been mine' Anzu's feelings on the things the spirit of the millenium puzzle said when rejecting her.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own or claim to own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or any characters and situations presented in the manga/anime. No profit is gained from the publishing of this story, no copyright infringement intended.

Should this story be deemed offensive by the creator, Mr. Takahashi, his solicitors or any of the (unsettling amount of) companies holding licenses to the series it shall be of course taken down without hesitation.

**A/N:** So here I am again, by popular demand of 4 people (namely: Taiki Kou, SightX, Anime WarriorSkye and Schizophrenic Paranoia) a companion-piece of _"If those hands had been mine"_, although I suppose both can be read as stand-alones, too.

At first I felt inspired to write Yugi's POV, but for some reason it turned out strangely twisted and… weird, which is why I am delighted to be presenting Anzu's POV (just as demanded) instead.

Note that I didn't get to watch the last season up to its conclusion but I do have a (vague) idea of what is going on. As far as I know, Anzu does not confess at any point that she's got a crush on Yami (for the sake of those not knowing how the series end I shan't use his real name). If she does, then it is likely that it is nothing like what I am depicting in this story.

Thus kindly consider this either A/U (if you're a canon-fanatic) or simply fanfiction (because really, fanfiction can never be canon, and if it were, it wouldn't be fanfiction but the real deal and we all know who is entitled to write/draw that, don't we?).

Please read and – should this story entertain, please, touch or inspire you and/or your thoughts – leave a short review (or a long one, I'm not picky) for me to cherish.

**A/N 2**: This story is still finished, I merely edited some typos I had overseen the first time (and filled in some words I had accidentally left out). So don't fret if you receive a mail that this story was updated – because it wasn't. Thanks.

PS – Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews on "_If those hands had been mine_" – you guys really surprised me!

**Worthy of my heart (All I wanted)**

He admitted to have been surprised by my confession.

_So was I. _

_I hadn't meant to reveal my feelings for him anytime soon, but my foolish heart had other thoughts on that matter. I simply blurted out the words like the love-sick fool I was. _

_I said 'I love you', straight to his face._

_No carefully crafted plans as to how to confess my love with the highest dramatic effect to ensure that we would sink into each other's arms as the heroes in my mother's romance novels do, no candles or flowers, no romance._

_Not even privacy. _

_I said those words to him in the back of the game shop although I was aware of three pairs of curious ears not too far away, straining to catch every whispered word._

_Still I can't deny that despite of what he said, he seemed incredibly pleased to have me bare my heart before him._

He said that he was honored by my feelings for him and that this wasn't easy on him because – he trailed off after 'because'.

_I could tell that he wanted to say more but for some reason he wouldn't allow himself to let the words slip past his lips and on those nights when I can't sleep I still delude myself and pretend to wonder what he had intended to tell me when truthfully, I've known the moment he fell silent what it was that he did not dare to speak out loud. _

_You cannot even begin to imagine how much I regret his restraint and his sense of duty, his honor and his loyalty to a common friend._

He said he was sorry.

_I knew he was. I also knew that despite my earlier observance he was in pain, as well. I could see it in his eyes._

_I could see so much in them – his poker face is unparalleled, but he uses it only in duels, not when he is confronted with the feelings of a teenage girl._

_Maybe that is why this teenage girl can read his eyes for hours to no end and relish in the poorly disguised emotions they hold; emotions he doesn't dare give a name._

_Why won't you at least let them have a name? Don't they even deserve that much?_

He said that he didn't reciprocate my feelings.

_That was a blatant lie, we both knew it and my hand itched to slap him for possessing the audacity to say this straight to my face; former pharaoh or not. _

_How could he deny both of us the pleasure of naming the feelings cursing through our veins? How could he deny us something as vital as a mutual confession of love? How dare he pretend that the bond which has formed between us is friendship and not something else?_

_How dare he make that decision not only on his but also on my behalf?_

He said that even if he did, he would have to reject me because it was the right thing to do.

_I wished he would have continued his other sentence after 'because' instead of this one. It made me feel sick._

_The right thing – I wanted to laugh out loud. Who cares what the right thing to do is or was? I didn't. His sense of duty will one day be the end of him. It cost him his life, once, already, yet he willingly follows the path of 'duty' again, blind and deaf to the possibilities presented to him._

_Blind and deaf to what I am trying to tell him. I didn't want to try and force him into doing something he didn't want to do. I didn't want to make him betray Yugi's trust. I only wanted him to…_

He said that my heart was a rare treasure, not to be given away lightheartedly.

_Nothing about that had been lighthearted for me. I had carried these feelings within me for so long, bottled up in my heart. _

_I hadn't planned on telling him or anyone what I felt but the pressure slowly became too much to handle and every little smile or nod he sent my way built up more pressure, put more strain on the fragile little thing that kept my feelings under lock and key. It was only a question of time until what feeble self-restraint I had would take flight - pushed off by the pressure of over boiling emotions like the lid of a bottle of pop._

_Still even if I was helpless to stop the confessions of my heart I knew that it was the right time, the right moment to give these emotions a voice and a name._

_As for the choice… _

_I still have no doubt that for my heart there is no safer place in the entire world than being cradled within his hands._

He said that I should find someone worthy of receiving something as valuable as my love and devotion.

_Worthy. I was confused. I didn't understand, didn't want to understand what he tried to tell me with those words._

He said that he wasn't worthy of my heart.

_Worthy – did he doubt his worth? Did he doubt his right to my love and if he did, wouldn't that mean that he perhaps wanted to be what he called 'worthy'? What exactly did 'worthy' mean?_

_And who was he to decide who was worthy of my heart anyway? It's my heart, isn't it? And if I want to give it to him then that's my decision, not his. If I decide that he is to have my heart, that it is his, doesn't that make him worthy enough?_

_Who would he rather I'd give my heart to? One of his rivals? One of our friends?_

He said he didn't want to argue with what I felt or thought to feel.

_But he did. Oh yes, he did. He argued as if his life depended on it. And I still don't know why, I still don't understand why he would reject me if he didn't want to, if it was such a painful thing for him to do, because that much was obvious._

He said it wasn't really him that I loved, but someone else.

_As if I didn't know my own heart. Imagine that: you confess your love (the romantic emotion) to a man and he tells you, that you actually love someone else – and then he names the one man that has always been like a brother to you!_

_Did you think I couldn't distinguish between romantic love and the love that connects my friends and me? Did you think I could ever confuse the love for my family (and I include Yugi in that) with the love I felt for you?_

_Don't you trust my heart at all to know that it is you that makes it beat faster? Don't you trust me enough to know that the weakness in my legs is solely caused by the way you look at me?_

_Yami…_

He said he wouldn't chain my heart to his.

_As if he had any say in that! The chains he spoke of were long since in place, chained my heart to him, to his, whether we wanted it or not. _

_And even if he would have acknowledged this and decided to set me free, the attempt would have been in vain._

_For how was he to unlock the chains to which neither he nor I had a key?_

He said it was a silly notion and I should let go of it.

_Never, never ever would I let go of it, of this feeling, of him. Not voluntarily._

He said that nothing good could come of this.

_Why wouldn't he understand? Why couldn't he see that what I wanted were neither stolen hugs and kisses when no one was looking nor any form of physical contact out in the open for the world to witness? Why couldn't he comprehend that all I wanted, all I needed was…_

He said that we might benefit more from just being friends.

_Really, I didn't mean for us to take that step, to cross the line to lovers. I didn't want that, because it wasn't fair to either of us; it was not fair to him, to Yugi and to me. What I had hoped for, what I had wanted, it was so much simpler, not at all than what he thought I desired..._

He said that no matter what I thought, he wasn't worthy of my heart and I, I wanted to scream.

… _because all I wanted from him was to hear the truth, a name for the emotion in his hidden glances but he wouldn't even let me have that._


End file.
